Chocolate Milk and Missing Ag Days

Yesterday, I went shopping at our local store and I noticed they had old fashioned chocolate milk so I bought some. I had only ever seen this kind at the store in my hometown.

I brought it home, and after supper I poured Cody and I each a glass. I explained to him how this is the best chocolate milk he will ever drink in his life. He took a sip and said “it’s pretty good”.

PRETTY GOOD? This is the best chocolate milk in the fricken world, I thought.

Well at 3am W decided he was starving so i did what any normal person would do during a middle of the night feed and thought about the lack of reaction I got from Cody.  I then realized I built it up too much.

I built a lot of things up too much; good things and bad things. I build it up and most of the time the opposite happens. When I build up good things (like this chocolate milk), it seems underwhelming or disappointing when I have it. But when I build up something that makes me anxious, I over analyze every single detail that could go wrong, and overwhelm myself.

I use that as a coping mechanism; expect the worst, and hope for the best. I do this to protect and prepare myself for what could happen. It causes me an extreme amount of anxiety before the event, but after it’s done I look back and it (normally) wasn’t that bad.

Next week W has a set of vaccines, and I’m already preparing myself for them. Will there be room for us in the parking lot? What if I’m late? Will he remember these ones and hate me? All irrational thoughts, but my mind is trying to protect itself from anxiety.

On Monday, I caught the flu and I missed my favourite event of the year, Manitoba Ag Days. I was so disappointed when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to go. I built it up in my mind so much from the years that I had gone that I have FOMO from not being there. I felt anxious last night over the fact that I wasn’t going.

This is definitely something I need to work on. I need to relax more about future events to try and save myself from unnecessary feeling anxious.

Anxiety in the moment is one thing, anticipatory anxiety is another. Being anxious for something that hasn’t/won’t happen is extremely hard.

Anxiety is one wild ride. As for Ag Days, I look forward to fighting you for a parking spot next year.