Pregnancy After Loss

Today is Pregnancy After Loss Awareness Day.

We first found out that we were pregnant 2 years ago next week. We lost that pregnancy only a few weeks later. The next time we found out I was pregnant was 7 months later, we were excited but also a bit nervous. We lost that pregnancy a few weeks later as well. We then decided to stop trying for a while, but a curve ball was thrown and we found out I was pregnant about a month after the last lost.

I cried in the bathroom when I found out. I was so scared. A week after we found out I was pregnant again, I thought I was miscarrying so our doctor ordered an ultrasound. We not only found out that I wasn’t miscarrying but that I was carrying twins. Baby A had a strong heart beat, and baby B’s heart beat was strong but a little slower than baby A’s.

A couple of weeks later, on Boxing Day 2021, something wasn’t right so we went into the hospital and had another ultrasound that confirmed that baby B’s heart had stopped beating not long after that original ultrasound. At that point it was up in the air if we were going to make it to our second trimester.

Worry consumed me. I cried every day. I was so scared; there was no distinct answer that everything was going to be alright and this would be the baby we would take home.

After our first trimester was done, our second fly by and we hit the third like a brick wall. I was so tired, so in pain that my doctor took me off work early. I was heart broken, but also so ready for the next step. The third trimester dragged on. I had contractions pretty often, and we had been to L&D 3 times before W was born to make sure the contractions weren’t pre term labor. We finally made it to our 39 week and we got to meet W.

Pregnancy after loss is a taboo subject that no one really talks about. No one talks about losses, but also no one talks about the worry and anxiety that comes with the next pregnancy. The anxiety and worry that you feel tries to build a wall to protect yourself from the hurt you felt from losing your last baby.

Today I am so happy that I get to celebrate my beautiful Triple Rainbow Baby.

Be Kind and Eat Beef.

Shayla